Nervous and Excited

It's been a long time coming but, along with Pearce and my family, I've decided to finally try an insulin pump. I'm having a hard time figuring out how I really feel about it right now. I mean, obviously I want to do this but there is always the fear of the unknown. How will I feel physically? Will it be time consuming? Will I get more high or low blood sugars? Will people notice the meter and wonder what is on my body?

For most of my teenage years I struggled a lot with feeling different and not wanting to be different. I have been talked to and asked about the pump for probably ten years and always had the excuse that insulin injections worked great and I didn't want to disrupt a process that worked so well for me. Another issue for me is feeling so attached to a machine and having the physical evidence of a piece of technology attached to my body so out in the open. At least now I can "hide" all of my diabetic supplies in a purse and run to the bathroom to check blood sugars or give an injection.

About 6 months ago I finally gave in and started using a Continuous Glucose Monitor (CGM). This piece of technology wirelessly transmits blood sugars every five minutes from a sensor on my abdomen to device about the size of a cell phone. I change the sensor spot on my stomach every 7-10 days and had to quickly start dealing with how I looked in the mirror with a thing about the size of 2-3 quarters attached to me.

More to come on the subject of CGM's later ... but the fact is, I still hate feeling different. Feeling limited. Feeling like my body has failed. Feeling like it's not fair that I have the burden of having to deal with all of this when everyone else I know will never know what this feels like. But in the end, it is what it is, and ultimately it is more than likely that this insulin pump will do great things for my health than hinder it. Trying new things is scary too, but I am optimistic that with the help and support of my great medical team, my husband, and family that this will be a good new experience.

I find out more about this new pump tomorrow and we should be up in running in a few weeks. I'm looking forward to sharing this experience with you. Thank you for all of your support. This road would be a lot tougher without you, that is for sure!