The funny thing about diabetes is that no matter how good of control I have, just when I think things couldn't be going any smoother, this disease can easily bring me back down to reality in a matter of minutes. Just last week in the car my husband and I were talking about how my blood sugars had been consistently really great recently. To validate our conversation I took out my insulin pump device to take a look at the numbers, and sure enough my average blood sugar between the last 7 to 60 days ranged from 100-118. For anyone out there who doesn't know, this is AMAZING, since typically people without diabetes usually fall within the 80-120 range on a daily basis.
Well, I must have forgotten to "knock on wood" at that moment, because ever since then I feel like I jinxed myself and have been met with several blood sugar challenges. Typically I will see "high" blood sugars here and there, but for some reason those highs have been creeping up on me more than expected these days. Now, there are definitely some contributing factors that I can guess are playing a part, a big one being pregnancy and hormones, but regardless of what is causing the blood sugars, I still get really down on myself for letting it get to that (even if I truly have the ability to control them or not).
My doctors and husband are really great at reassuring me that these highs are completely normal and from a medical perspective I understand that. For me though, the hard parts of having a high blood sugar include physically not feeling well (tired, grumpy, low energy, sometimes nausea) and feeling anxious about when it's going to come back down. From an emotional perspective, I have also had a very hard time accepting these recent highs. I am so used to being stable that when the higher blood sugars come out of nowhere I tend to beat myself up and feel extremely frustrated that I let it get that far.
I also really hate admitting to family and friends when my blood sugar is high for fear of their reactions. Mostly I get asked, "Are you okay?" (Yes, I'm fine!) and "Is there anything you need me to do?" (No, unfortunately you can't really do anything). I also fear what they might be thinking, like "She must be really bad at taking care of herself because she has a high blood sugar." Again, I am sure most people's reactions are out of care and concern, but there is a big part of me that doesn't want to seem weak or not in control, and I feel like when I let people know about high blood sugars, it doesn't look good for me.
So, what I need to do is take each meal or snack and minute, hour, and day in stride and do what I can during each of these to make sure I've tried my best. All I can do is be diligent because a big part of this disease is management, and it's not all about perfect control. I've got all the tools I need, from the technology to the support, and my part is learning to roll with the punches and continue to be more comfortable with the realities of diabetes.
And just to show how insignificant the last few days of some higher blood sugars have been, my most recent A1c as of yesterday is 5.8% (which calculates out to an average blood sugar over the last 3 months of 119). YAY for me!
