I absolutely love food. I love fettuccine alfredo, banana cream pie, sourdough bread, and burritos to name a few. I love a lot of foods that are extremely rich in carbs and crave them as I imagine most people often do. For me I get a scent of a sausage and pepperoni pizza cooking in the oven or a whiff of a carne asada burrito ready to be unwrapped and devoured and those foods are ALL. I. CAN. THINK. ABOUT.
For the most part though, that's all it turns out to be for me. Just a thought of something I crave so badly because my brain has trained me to treat these foods like they are the enemy. Don't get me wrong, I love salad, veggies, and meats. I crave those too and fortunately they are much easier to digest in terms of blood sugars, due to their low carbohydrate count. But foods like bread, pasta, pie, and pizza in anything but a very small portion tend to make me feel sick and could potentially send my blood sugars through the roof.
Each time I eat anything, I consider two factors: 1. What is my current blood sugar? and 2. How many carbohydrates am I about to eat? The answers to both of these questions help to figure out how much insulin I will need to keep my blood sugar levels stable. The higher the carb count, the more insulin I require. Foods like pizza, bread, macaroni, etc. have extremely high amounts of carbs, that a lot of the time more than even a quarter of a cup serving makes my blood sugars difficult to manage. Therefore, to avoid sickening high blood sugars I try my very best just to stay away from these choices.
A lot of the time I just feel like screaming and saying, "Screw it! I'm going to eat this enormous serving of pasta and I don't care what happens because it's just too good to pass up." 99.9% of the time I chicken out though and stick to one or two bites of pasta and end up choosing veggies and salad like I probably should. It gets very frustrating though. I look at people devouring the foods I so badly want to stuff my face with once in awhile and selfishly think how jealous I am that those people's bodies are going to end up digesting that pasta just fine while mine has failed to do so.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Pearls of Wisdom
Today I did something I have NEVER done in the 13 years of being a diabetic. I did something that I have never had the urge to do and have pushed back on for a long time. And it's really not that big of a deal, but today I attended a "Woman With Diabetes" luncheon put on by the Diabetes Behavioral Institute, and my good friend and diabetes psychologist, Susan Guzman. Susan invited me to this luncheon a few weeks ago and I went back and forth in my mind about attending for several reasons. The luncheon was only for women with Type 1 diabetes and this would be the first time I had ever even met another woman with Type 1 diabetes, let alone sit in the same room with 50 of them! And to boot, I couldn't bring Pearce to hide behind.
In going with my New Years Resolution of just saying yes, I decided in good faith that I probably should just suck it up and go. It wasn't going to kill me and if I really didn't like it I would never have to go again. Not knowing what to expect I arrived at a private room at The Prado restaurant in Balboa Park set up just for our group. I signed in, donned a name tag, and hesitantly walked through the door hoping that seating was assigned. And wouldn't you know, it was a sit where you want type of event and I was terrified of taking that HUGE first step despite being the friendly, social, and outgoing person that I am. Not going to lie, this idea of socializing with other people with diabetes scared the shit out of me, mostly because it's so foreign to me.
As luck would have it I ended up sitting between Linda (an attorney) and Glenda (a teacher), who are old friends and the veterans of the group, both having had Type 1 diabetes for over 50 years. The next 3 hours flew by as the 3 of us talked about everything: jobs, kids, diabetes (of course) ... The more we continued to share the more I realized we had in common. I mean, besides the fact that they both were in professions I knew about and Glenda's daughter and I went to the same college, I don't know why I was so surprised that these woman knew exactly what I was talking about when I said the words omni pod, novolog, basal rates, and Dr. Moore to name only a few. What's even more amazing is that considering a glucose monitor wasn't available until 1981, and these woman had diabetes for at least 20 years before that, they were both in great health! If there isn't any other lesson for me to be learned here is that, a long healthy life is a possibility, and even more so for myself who has had the amazing opportunity to use the technology of a simple glucose monitor since day one.
I drove home from the event with mixed emotions. If I had to use one word to describe my experience it would be "interesting," and not in a bad way. Honestly, it was emotional for me to let my guard down today in front of people I didn't know. It was and is always hard for me to wear that label of "diabetic." On the other hand, I was so appreciative to know that I share such similar experiences with others. I found it comforting to laugh with Linda and Glenda and to not be so serious about diabetes.
Each of us shared a "Pearl of Wisdom" today, something that we have learned along our journey with diabetes and mine was:
"It takes a village ... support is what gets me through each and every day."
In going with my New Years Resolution of just saying yes, I decided in good faith that I probably should just suck it up and go. It wasn't going to kill me and if I really didn't like it I would never have to go again. Not knowing what to expect I arrived at a private room at The Prado restaurant in Balboa Park set up just for our group. I signed in, donned a name tag, and hesitantly walked through the door hoping that seating was assigned. And wouldn't you know, it was a sit where you want type of event and I was terrified of taking that HUGE first step despite being the friendly, social, and outgoing person that I am. Not going to lie, this idea of socializing with other people with diabetes scared the shit out of me, mostly because it's so foreign to me.
As luck would have it I ended up sitting between Linda (an attorney) and Glenda (a teacher), who are old friends and the veterans of the group, both having had Type 1 diabetes for over 50 years. The next 3 hours flew by as the 3 of us talked about everything: jobs, kids, diabetes (of course) ... The more we continued to share the more I realized we had in common. I mean, besides the fact that they both were in professions I knew about and Glenda's daughter and I went to the same college, I don't know why I was so surprised that these woman knew exactly what I was talking about when I said the words omni pod, novolog, basal rates, and Dr. Moore to name only a few. What's even more amazing is that considering a glucose monitor wasn't available until 1981, and these woman had diabetes for at least 20 years before that, they were both in great health! If there isn't any other lesson for me to be learned here is that, a long healthy life is a possibility, and even more so for myself who has had the amazing opportunity to use the technology of a simple glucose monitor since day one.
I drove home from the event with mixed emotions. If I had to use one word to describe my experience it would be "interesting," and not in a bad way. Honestly, it was emotional for me to let my guard down today in front of people I didn't know. It was and is always hard for me to wear that label of "diabetic." On the other hand, I was so appreciative to know that I share such similar experiences with others. I found it comforting to laugh with Linda and Glenda and to not be so serious about diabetes.
Each of us shared a "Pearl of Wisdom" today, something that we have learned along our journey with diabetes and mine was:
"It takes a village ... support is what gets me through each and every day."
Sunday, January 15, 2012
This one's for you Mom and Dad
I would love to start this post off with saying that I wouldn't be where I am today, both physically and mentally, without the love and support of those around me. With that said, I will also note that I know I haven't always made it very easy to let people in to the whole diabetes thing.
It all started with my diagnosis as a very young teenager. I have talked a bit about my feelings back then, but the two people I am really starting to think about are my parents. As Pearce and I start to consider starting a family someday, I can't help but wonder what I might do should our child be diagnosed with a manageable yet seemingly restraining disease. The worry. Fear. Guilt maybe. And many other emotions that must swirl through a parent's mind when their human, and almost irrational, instincts kick in with any news that their baby is in danger.
Back then we were all coping and reeling with the diagnosis in our own way. I can only speak on behalf of my own thoughts, and can only interpret through my parents' reactions what may have been churning in their minds. Emotion wasn't really something our family showed openly very often. Being a teenager at that time probably didn't help, but I found it hard to talk about and interpret the anger, frustration, and confusion I felt. And not being able to successfully communicate those feelings, in turn, led to a lack of communication about the emotions of this all between the three of us.
What I do recognize is the strength my parents displayed. I learned how to be responsible through their actions. Keeping regular doctor appointments. Eating right (most of the time). And eventually learning to really manage the physical and emotional aspects of diabetes by pushing through and being strong. Back then I had no interest in talking about what was going on and NEEDED to learn responsibility. Now that I have worked my way out of those rebellious teenage years, I feel like I have mastered the art of responsibility, and my needs have changed. My parents may not have to drive me to the doctor any more, make sure to ask all the right questions, and give me an injection, but I will still lean on them for support more than ever. Their support has shifted from a physical to an emotional support, something that I am finally ready for and continue to be thankful for every day!
It all started with my diagnosis as a very young teenager. I have talked a bit about my feelings back then, but the two people I am really starting to think about are my parents. As Pearce and I start to consider starting a family someday, I can't help but wonder what I might do should our child be diagnosed with a manageable yet seemingly restraining disease. The worry. Fear. Guilt maybe. And many other emotions that must swirl through a parent's mind when their human, and almost irrational, instincts kick in with any news that their baby is in danger.
Back then we were all coping and reeling with the diagnosis in our own way. I can only speak on behalf of my own thoughts, and can only interpret through my parents' reactions what may have been churning in their minds. Emotion wasn't really something our family showed openly very often. Being a teenager at that time probably didn't help, but I found it hard to talk about and interpret the anger, frustration, and confusion I felt. And not being able to successfully communicate those feelings, in turn, led to a lack of communication about the emotions of this all between the three of us.
What I do recognize is the strength my parents displayed. I learned how to be responsible through their actions. Keeping regular doctor appointments. Eating right (most of the time). And eventually learning to really manage the physical and emotional aspects of diabetes by pushing through and being strong. Back then I had no interest in talking about what was going on and NEEDED to learn responsibility. Now that I have worked my way out of those rebellious teenage years, I feel like I have mastered the art of responsibility, and my needs have changed. My parents may not have to drive me to the doctor any more, make sure to ask all the right questions, and give me an injection, but I will still lean on them for support more than ever. Their support has shifted from a physical to an emotional support, something that I am finally ready for and continue to be thankful for every day!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
I took a leap, and landed on my feet
It's been a month since I finally gave in and made the decision to get the insulin pump. 2 days ago the pump arrived at my house and even before I opened the box, trepidation ran through my body. I slowly lay out the components of this new contraption on my table and with each piece I touched and examined my brain and emotions were going a mile a minute. The two things bothering me the most were all the questions I had (Was it going to hurt? How will my blood sugars react? How will other people react?) and the fact that like anything in life, change is often scary. Poor Pearce ... he was trying to be so supportive and asking me every other minute if I was okay, but I really wasn't going to be "okay" until I got the thing up and running.
So the next day we arrived at my doctor's office to be trained on how to use the Omni Pod. Without any hesitation on my doctor's end (and much hesitation on mine) he went through the components and had me all set up within 45 minutes. Surprised by the ease of how to set up and use the pump, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be leaving the doctor's office. I have to also give a BIG thank you to Chris (my doctor) and Pearce (my oh-so-supportive husband) for being there for all of this. I take so much pride in my independence, but I am really appreciating the times when I can let my guard down and let people be there for me when emotions are running high.
Here's a picture of the insulin pod attached to my arm: (It's about 1 1/2 inches long and an inch wide)
I have to say that this little ingenious contraption is actually quite cool! Before the pod is attached to my body I load it with about 3 days worth of insulin. Next it gets stuck to my body, the "cannula" (VERY small needle) inserts just under my skin, and should stay there for a little over 72 hours. The hand held machine that comes with it programs the pod to deliver 0.4 units of insulin every hour (to keep my blood sugars stable) without me having to push any buttons. When I do need or want to eat, I test my blood sugar on the machine, it asks how many carbs I will be eating, and then recommends how much insulin I should give myself. I can either accept the suggestion or change the dosage and with the mere click of a button the pod is delivering insulin JUST. LIKE. THAT! I have to say, with a machine like this I am missing my healthy pancreas a little bit less ...
24 hours in to using the omni pod I am doing OKAY. I experienced some lower blood sugars through the night and this morning, and after talking to my doctor this morning we've already made some adjustments to the insulin dosages. I have a feeling it's going to take some time to get those just right. Other than that, the sense of freedom and the absence of needles are the best parts about this. I also feel a little silly for getting so worked up about this change, but at the same time, feelings like that are completely normal. It's okay to be scared, because, hey, I am scared every day of this disease. But it's all turned out fine so far, and for that I am thankful.
So the next day we arrived at my doctor's office to be trained on how to use the Omni Pod. Without any hesitation on my doctor's end (and much hesitation on mine) he went through the components and had me all set up within 45 minutes. Surprised by the ease of how to set up and use the pump, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be leaving the doctor's office. I have to also give a BIG thank you to Chris (my doctor) and Pearce (my oh-so-supportive husband) for being there for all of this. I take so much pride in my independence, but I am really appreciating the times when I can let my guard down and let people be there for me when emotions are running high.
Here's a picture of the insulin pod attached to my arm: (It's about 1 1/2 inches long and an inch wide)
I have to say that this little ingenious contraption is actually quite cool! Before the pod is attached to my body I load it with about 3 days worth of insulin. Next it gets stuck to my body, the "cannula" (VERY small needle) inserts just under my skin, and should stay there for a little over 72 hours. The hand held machine that comes with it programs the pod to deliver 0.4 units of insulin every hour (to keep my blood sugars stable) without me having to push any buttons. When I do need or want to eat, I test my blood sugar on the machine, it asks how many carbs I will be eating, and then recommends how much insulin I should give myself. I can either accept the suggestion or change the dosage and with the mere click of a button the pod is delivering insulin JUST. LIKE. THAT! I have to say, with a machine like this I am missing my healthy pancreas a little bit less ...
24 hours in to using the omni pod I am doing OKAY. I experienced some lower blood sugars through the night and this morning, and after talking to my doctor this morning we've already made some adjustments to the insulin dosages. I have a feeling it's going to take some time to get those just right. Other than that, the sense of freedom and the absence of needles are the best parts about this. I also feel a little silly for getting so worked up about this change, but at the same time, feelings like that are completely normal. It's okay to be scared, because, hey, I am scared every day of this disease. But it's all turned out fine so far, and for that I am thankful.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
The Omni Pod is here!
The box waiting for me at the front door tonight ... 9lbs!
Kind of knowing but not really knowing what to expect I began to open the box ... A wave of emotions hit me so I took pictures to share with everyone to distract me and decided to deal with the emotions later in the evening ...
The sensors in their package: The pod that sticks to my body is in the middle and the needle on the top is what I will use to load 3 days worth of insulin into the pod before I stick it to my body.
The monitor that "talks" to my sensors: From this device I will be able to WIRELESSLY transmit how much insulin I would like the pod to give me with the simple click of a button.
All the places I can put the sensor on my body:
And now comes all the emotions of seeing this "contraption" for the first time and the reality that this is really happening. More to come on that in the next day or two ... in the mean time I wait until tomorrow at 1:30 in the afternoon to meet with my doctor and get trained on how to use the Omni Pod. For now all the pieces wait in a box in my living room.
Kind of knowing but not really knowing what to expect I began to open the box ... A wave of emotions hit me so I took pictures to share with everyone to distract me and decided to deal with the emotions later in the evening ...
The sensors in their package: The pod that sticks to my body is in the middle and the needle on the top is what I will use to load 3 days worth of insulin into the pod before I stick it to my body.
The monitor that "talks" to my sensors: From this device I will be able to WIRELESSLY transmit how much insulin I would like the pod to give me with the simple click of a button.
All the places I can put the sensor on my body:
And now comes all the emotions of seeing this "contraption" for the first time and the reality that this is really happening. More to come on that in the next day or two ... in the mean time I wait until tomorrow at 1:30 in the afternoon to meet with my doctor and get trained on how to use the Omni Pod. For now all the pieces wait in a box in my living room.
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