Let me set the scene for what really should have been one of the greatest nights of my life ... On a very romantic whim I decided to surprise my husband Friday night with a evening out downtown. Hotel room, drinks, and food ... just the two of us. We both have had a hell of a summer with demanding jobs which have led to stress and not a lot of "us" time. We started off with a complimentary bottle of champagne from the hotel and then made our way around town, stopping at our favorite places for drinks and appetizers here and there. It was a blast and it just felt so good to be with JUST him, the man I truly love and adore.
I've always been pretty cautious about drinking. I definitely stay away from the sugary mixed drinks, very rarely drink hard alcohol, and only sometimes will I have a beer. I stick to wine because not only do I just love it but I have also come to "understand" what it does to my blood sugars. And when I say "understand" with the quotation marks, drinking can still be hit or miss because you never really know what and how much wine makers are adding to their wines. Nevertheless, a girl's gotta have a vice or two ... and wine is definitely one of mine :-)
Around midnight, once we were back at our hotel I definitely was feeling the effects of the 4 glasses of wine I'd had over the last 3 hours. The combination of feeling the effects of the alcohol with a Dexcom meter that was not giving me proper readings was the perfect storm for not being able to detect THE lowest blood sugar I've ever seen. I just remember having this feeling like something wasn't right and I told my husband, I need to check my blood sugar. I easily found my meter, inserted the test strip, pricked my finger, and 5 seconds later the screen flashed a larger than life 20.
20?!?!?!?!
If you google "blood sugar of 20" you get the following information:
That is a reading that is so low you would likely be unconscious and
need emergency hospital treatment. If alert and able to swallow without
choking, use a glucose tablet or sugar candy immediately and call 911 if
you are diabetic and on oral hypoglycemic medications or insulin.
If you have no symptoms of sweating, shaking, agitation, dizziness or
fainting which are common symptoms of hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) and
if you are self-testing, it could only mean that your testing meter
needs a battery or your strips are expired. Check those things and
recheck your blood sugar, if still low seek urgent medical advice.
My mind immediately started racing (clearly my brain was still functioning) ... How was I still conscious? How was I alert? How could I even string two thoughts together? I'll tell you what my initial thought was, "That's not right!" So I checked it again ... and this time the monitor just read "LOW," in all caps. That's the reading you get that is supposed to scare you. That's the reading that means, "We're not even going to tell you how low you are, just get sugar NOW!"
My husband was standing right there and we both reacted so quickly it's hard to even remember the events that followed. Thank goodness I was more than equipped to handle a low blood sugar and I sucked down a sugary gel that was in purse faster than you can imagine. I lay down on the bed, covered in sweat from the adrenaline and effects of a low blood sugar, chewed and swallowed a few more sugar pills just to be on the safe side, and held my husband's hand until I felt better.
I can't entirely blame the wine for this, although I continue to realize that alcohol is just a tricky thing to have to deal with. I was also so caught up in the evening, that I probably wasn't paying as close of attention that I normally do. And it also goes to show that even though the Dexcom technology is great, it's definitely not perfect. I've been through such a range of emotions since the other night from guilt for taking my focus away from my blood sugars, apologetic for taking away from the romantic evening I had planned with my husband, ashamed that my blood sugar even got that low, and mostly fearful that it will happen again. The last 36 hours have been filled with some anxiety and I've been on high alert. After a low like that it's going to take some time to re-build the trust I have in the Dexcom readings and most of all the trust that insulin is here to help and not hurt me.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Battle of the Blood Sugars
War is defined as, "A state of armed conflict between different nations or states or different groups within a nation or state." War is what happens in my body. War is the constant struggle between my body's inability to produce insulin and the constant efforts to sustain my blood sugars. Every day, this war rages on within.
Every time I eat, small battles erupt from within my body, sustained fighting between two enemies that can't seem to figure out that they are fighting for the same side. The food I eat pulls my blood sugars up, using glucose as their weapon, threatening to go higher and higher. The insulin I inject counters the attack, promising to pull my blood sugars down.
Too much food and not enough insulin, a victory for the food, leaves my body feeling like a ravaged battlefield, with heavy limbs, body aches, and in need of relief. Too much insulin and not enough food, a victory for the insulin, leaves me feeling disoriented, dizzy, and confused, like a surprise attack no one saw coming.
And I am the peacekeeper, or so it feels, not letting one side of this war rage over the other. Every day, every meal, and every battle ends differently. For the most part, thankfully, I am able to sustain my role as the diplomat, diligently preserving the peace in the troublesome areas known as the depths of my physical being.
Sometimes I feel as if this war will never end. Actually, I am pretty sure this war will never end, as long as the cure for diabetes has not been found. As in real life though, War is ugly. War is tiring. And War is sad. War can also give us purpose. For without this War, I would not have life. I sustain this War and these daily battles for the purpose to survive, for without both sides of these battles I could not continue to thrive, live, and be happy. It's a small and large price to pay for the many blessings that I continue to have in life.
Every time I eat, small battles erupt from within my body, sustained fighting between two enemies that can't seem to figure out that they are fighting for the same side. The food I eat pulls my blood sugars up, using glucose as their weapon, threatening to go higher and higher. The insulin I inject counters the attack, promising to pull my blood sugars down.
Too much food and not enough insulin, a victory for the food, leaves my body feeling like a ravaged battlefield, with heavy limbs, body aches, and in need of relief. Too much insulin and not enough food, a victory for the insulin, leaves me feeling disoriented, dizzy, and confused, like a surprise attack no one saw coming.
And I am the peacekeeper, or so it feels, not letting one side of this war rage over the other. Every day, every meal, and every battle ends differently. For the most part, thankfully, I am able to sustain my role as the diplomat, diligently preserving the peace in the troublesome areas known as the depths of my physical being.
Sometimes I feel as if this war will never end. Actually, I am pretty sure this war will never end, as long as the cure for diabetes has not been found. As in real life though, War is ugly. War is tiring. And War is sad. War can also give us purpose. For without this War, I would not have life. I sustain this War and these daily battles for the purpose to survive, for without both sides of these battles I could not continue to thrive, live, and be happy. It's a small and large price to pay for the many blessings that I continue to have in life.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Putting ME on Hold
If you have talked to me in the last few months and asked, "What's new?" I've probably answered with something along the lines of "Work is busy." And to be completely honest, that phrase is definitely an understatement. While my boss has been on maternity leave for the last 12 weeks, it has been my job to not only maintain my own job responsibilities, but hers as well, AND we started a whole new program at our school under my guidance. 9-12 hour work days, weekend visits to the office, and being up all hours of the night because I can't get my brain to shut off, have left me exhausted, grumpy, and putting a lot of personal stuff on hold ... including ordering more diabetic supplies.
I had noticed about a week ago that I was just about to use my last Dexcom sensor refill. I made a mental note to call the company and order a new shipment immediately, which usually doesn't take too long since the company is based about 10 miles from where I live. Well the week came and went without me stepping away from work for 2 minutes to make a call to Dexcom, and yesterday, of course, my very last sensor failed after I had been wearing it for about 10 days (3 days longer than recommended).
My heart sank and since it was a Saturday I knew there was nothing I could do until Monday morning. I obviously wouldn't be able to depend on my Dexcom meter for a few days, something I haven't done since starting to use it over a year and a half ago. For a few seconds I thought might even panic, since I can't remember a time where I wasn't able to reach into my purse, press a button, and see my blood sugar right away. I felt like I was going "old school" with having to only rely on finger pricks.
Well, I didn't panic and I think the reason for that is because I am more confident than ever that my blood sugars are controlled. I hadn't seen any worry-some high blood sugars in weeks, and only 1 "scary" low which I was able to detect without having to even look at my Dexcom. Don't get me wrong, I am so anxious to get the sensor refills, but I'm so much more at peace with not wearing it than I ever imagined I might be.
I am left feeling really very guilty though. My inner dialogue chastised myself with, "I told you so's" and "Why didn't you just order the refills last week?!" This was no one's fault but my own. I feel bad that I have let my work life get in the way of taking care of what really matters, my health (and if you ask my husband, some of our personal life too. :-( Sorry sweetie ...). Thank goodness with the support of the Dexcom and OmniPod pump my blood sugars have been in great control, despite my recent work schedule, BUT juggling it all isn't and hasn't been easy.
My boss comes back to work tomorrow ... and now it's time to get back to what really matters: ME!
I had noticed about a week ago that I was just about to use my last Dexcom sensor refill. I made a mental note to call the company and order a new shipment immediately, which usually doesn't take too long since the company is based about 10 miles from where I live. Well the week came and went without me stepping away from work for 2 minutes to make a call to Dexcom, and yesterday, of course, my very last sensor failed after I had been wearing it for about 10 days (3 days longer than recommended).
My heart sank and since it was a Saturday I knew there was nothing I could do until Monday morning. I obviously wouldn't be able to depend on my Dexcom meter for a few days, something I haven't done since starting to use it over a year and a half ago. For a few seconds I thought might even panic, since I can't remember a time where I wasn't able to reach into my purse, press a button, and see my blood sugar right away. I felt like I was going "old school" with having to only rely on finger pricks.
Well, I didn't panic and I think the reason for that is because I am more confident than ever that my blood sugars are controlled. I hadn't seen any worry-some high blood sugars in weeks, and only 1 "scary" low which I was able to detect without having to even look at my Dexcom. Don't get me wrong, I am so anxious to get the sensor refills, but I'm so much more at peace with not wearing it than I ever imagined I might be.
I am left feeling really very guilty though. My inner dialogue chastised myself with, "I told you so's" and "Why didn't you just order the refills last week?!" This was no one's fault but my own. I feel bad that I have let my work life get in the way of taking care of what really matters, my health (and if you ask my husband, some of our personal life too. :-( Sorry sweetie ...). Thank goodness with the support of the Dexcom and OmniPod pump my blood sugars have been in great control, despite my recent work schedule, BUT juggling it all isn't and hasn't been easy.
My boss comes back to work tomorrow ... and now it's time to get back to what really matters: ME!
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