2011, for me, was a year of so many great things. I got a promotion at work, my husband graduated law school, took the bar exam... passed the bar!, we got married, and we are both gainfully employed ... and each respectively happy in our jobs. Besides the work things though, 2011 proved to be emotionally fulfilling as well.
I started the year off with what I soon found out to be panic attacks due to anxiety over possible impending low blood sugars. After some great advice from my Doctor who helped me get into contact with an even more wonderful diabetic counselor, I was well on my way to mending my emotional scars from 12 years of "not dealing with" the diabetes. After almost 6 months of regular counseling, 2 months of anti-anxiety meds, and the support of the people in my life, by the time Pearce and I got married in August, I started to feel "normal" and confident again.
All of this brings me to today. The last day of 2011 and the 13th anniversary of my diabetes diagnosis. Every year this day stirs up some sort of emotion about December 31, 1998, but this year my feelings are much different. My feelings are less sad, frustrated, and denial ridden ... and more confident, anxious, and calm. This year I overcame my anxiety, started to let people in to this world of mine, took a big leap and attached a medical device to my body, and really decided the frustration and anger against the diabetes just wasn't worth it anymore.
While I still have my moments and even days where this disease really does get the best of me, I am calmed by the fact that I am no longer in this alone. If anything, sharing my experiences with others has really helped, something I pushed back on for 13 years. This year my New Years resolution is to just say "Yes." Next week my wireless insulin pump is arriving and while I am apprehensive, I keep telling myself that this is the year of "Yes." Yes I am getting the pump, yes I am confident, and yes I can do this. 2012 here we come!
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