"Is there anything I can do?"

It's a question I get asked all the time. When my Dexcom meter starts to beep. When my blood sugar is low. When my blood sugar is high. When nothing is happening with my blood sugars at all ... But out of care and concern, several family and friends are always asking the question, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Throughout my teenage years I felt very alone. Isolated even. I can't blame anyone for my feeling this way, because deep down I know that I was never alone had I been able to tear down the emotional wall that I built. And now here I am, over 14 years later, with the same wall. Although I really do think that over the years several experiences, relationships, and even some maturity have broken away at parts of the wall, and even made it shorter, there are still moments when the wall is just as strong and stubborn as ever.

The teenager in me wants to answer this question with a big fat "No! There is absolutely nothing you can do!" or even, "Yeah, make it so I don't have diabetes anymore." That's what the bitter, resentful, isolated, and immature side of me wants to say a lot of the time when others are offering to help. And It's not even their fault. In my heart of hearts I know the question is asked out of care, concern, and maybe even helplessness. I'm sure there are those of you out there who don't really know what you can do, but offering to help somehow makes it better.

But the fact of the matter is that no matter how much I can try to let people into this world, I will still feel very alone. I appreciate, MORE THAN YOU KNOW, when you get my sugar pills, ask about my doctor appointments, and read this blog. But outside of that, managing the physical aspects of this disease is really a one-man job. I could never ask anyone to remind me to check my blood sugars, calculate insulin amounts, count my carbs, or correct for a high or low blood sugar. It's just not realistic.

But, you CAN continue to offer your help and support. And I surely CAN try and be more accepting of your help as well. It's truly hard sometimes to convey the emotional turmoil and stress that goes along with this disease, as well as the resentment when I just want to enjoy a nice hike with my friends but my brain is wrapped around the idea of a possible low blood sugar. I know I do a stellar job at managing blood sugars, but more often than not it's a chore I would gladly live without, just to know what it feels like to not have the anxiety and stress of it all.

The wall I built long ago started off as tall as anyone could imagine and I know I've come a long way with the help of so many. Each of you has helped in tearing apart bits and pieces that I am truly grateful for. Every day is a challenge but I will forever be grateful for all of you who help me to and try to break down that wall.